The Gift of a Near Death Experience
Posted by Anne Dibala, M. D., The Recovery Coach™
Almost everyone has experienced at least one harrowing event in
which they felt they might have died.
An automobile accident or near accident, a fall, an illness. A
car speeding past them careening off the road while they were
walking along. A kitchen towel you were holding just started to
catch fire, and you noticed it immediately. You began to lose
your balance while climbing on a ladder. A driver lost control
of his vehicle and ran onto the sidewalk right near you. You
might think back to one of the more frightening times that you
remember from the past. If it was very dangerous, the mere
memory of the event right now might send a chill down your
spine, and shivers over your body.
Recall how you felt after the initial shock passed, your heart
rate had returned to normal, and your breathing had slowed down
and the trembling in your body had ceased. The scenario
reverberated in your head. You would relive the experience, the
near miss, a number of times as you sat there, calming down.
You might very well view in your mind what might have happened
if only one small factor had been different. If the other car
had been only a few inches closer, you would have been pushed
into the median. If you had been more distracted the few burning
fibers of the towel in your hand might have spread to other
flammable items near by. If the branch of the tree near the
ladder hadn't stopped the slippage of the ladder, you would have
fallen the twenty feet onto the concrete. The gruesome scenes
were vivid in your mind's eye.
If any of these types of events happened when you were a child,
these scenes probably affected your parents more than they
affected you. They were the ones most terrified, and they
experienced the shock, numbness, and panicky feelings. They were
the ones who would grasp and then hold you tightly, and cry. It
might only be later that you would have a small glimpse of the
close brush with death that had occurred.
As an adult, as we begin to recognize the fragility of life,
the fine line of a few inches, a few seconds, a few pounds of
force that keeps us from the hereafter, we can realize that
there may not be any more time to do those things we would like
to do.
There may not be another chance to tell our spouse that we are
sorry that we lost our temper and yelled at them last night. We
might not be able to tell our kid that even though he failed the
last test, we still loved him anyway. Despite the harsh lecture
and the month's restriction we gave him, we really thought he
was a neat kid.
Following an incident which puts us in touch with the fact that
once we have ended our short span of time as the physical
presence on this planet, we are often filled with a heightened
awareness of the physical world, the presence of simple actions
that we perform, and sensitivity to people around us,
particularly those we hold dear. Colors seem more intense,
sounds more acute, tastes more pungent, and emotions more
intense. ItÂ’s like being a young child again, and experiencing
the world as a new, exciting and enticing place. We want to
savor each experience and moment. This renewed love affair with
life may last for a very short time, a day or two. Often we get
caught up again in the day-to-day duties and tasks that life
brings with it. We get complacent about the vibrant joys that
each day can reveal to us, and we may drift back again into a
mundane existence. One mundane day after another ends up
becoming a boring week. Several joyless weeks turn into
lackluster months, and eventually years. Now, many of us donÂ’t
go for months without some joyful occasions. There are holidays,
birthdays, and celebrations. Wouldn't it be nice if each day
were a celebration?
What prevents us from celebrating each and every day? Is it
possible to find something special and unique in each
twenty-four hours?
This moment in time, this day, will never be here again. This
day is unique. There will never be another Wednesday, November
19, 2003, again. You will never live Thursday, November 20,
2003, again. The same combination of your unique body status,
the weather, the people you meet, the moods that you and they
are in, will never come together in this unique configuration
ever again.
Oh, perhaps, you may see the same people another day, but they
will not be in exactly the same mood, the news will not be the
same, your kids will not be the same age, you will not be the
same age. Hopefully, you, your kids, and your friends will all
be a bit wiser and emotionally richer.
Many religions, although exhorting the individual to look to the
hereafter, focus on the actions and behaviors of the here and
now. Eastern and Western philosophies emphasize how we act and
interact with other human beings here on this planet. It is
considered psychologically healthy to be mindful of our
emotional and physical condition today.
The teaching of mindfulness enables the individual to be in the
moment; not to live in remorse and regret for the past, but to
learn from it. Living in the moment, in the now, (in the know?)
involves the actions of today, being mindful of the behaviors of
today. Healthy behaviors today will contribute to healthy,
satisfying, and fulfilling tomorrows.
There is a familiar phrase in the Adidas commercial, "Just do
it!" Consider the concept, "Just do it now with all your being."
This is not at all to suggest that we act recklessly,
dangerously, or with abandonment. It is a proposal that we
engage in all our actions, activities, and interpersonal
activities, each moment, with all our physical and emotional
attention.
How often we find ourselves talking with another person, writing
notes about another matter, while looking at our calendar to
check on our next scheduled activity?
How often do we drive along, half listening to another person in
the vehicle with the radio on in the background, thinking about
what we're going to do when we stop and go to the store?
It's hard to be fully emotionally and intellectually invested
with another human being while other activities are fighting to
use the same part of our brain. If you thought that this would
be the last day that you would be seeing a friend that you're
having lunch with today, how would you treat him? Is there
anything that you would like to have cleared up with him? Would
you listen half-heartedly, distracted by some bothersome
incident earlier in the day, like the fact that there was a
traffic jam?
If your child started to talk to you when you were trying to
read the sports page, would you turn off in your head and
continue hiding behind the newspaper and try to ignore him?
How would you spend tonight with your closest friend or person
with whom you live?
When is the last time you had a near death experience? Do you
know when you will have your next near death experience? It's
not necessary to have a terrifying event occur in order to have
inspiring, fulfilling, vibrant moments fill each of your days.
May you enjoy each today!
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